Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Three Values For Happiness

I have used three values to learn to create happiness in my life. At the end of it all, I still see my demons, but no longer fight them. For I have learnt to kiss them and gently bid them goodbye by using these three values that I'd like to pass on to whoever may benefit, so that their journeys are less protracted and happy earlier on.

Value 1: Unclutteredness

Keep less belongings. Give stuff away. Less clothes, Less makeup, Less analysis. Less thinking. Know that most of the things people say are not to hurt. That a lot can be said and done that does not mean anything much. If you find it difficult to start, please read my favorite blog, Becoming Minimalist by Josh Becker. It will help you understand how minimalism leads to freedom and value in life.

Value 2: Ease

Whenever you get painful thoughts about something you or others said or did, stop the analysis, the blame. Instead, LET THE THOUGHTS COME. That is the key. While the thoughts are coming, encourage them, and smile and keep looking at the things around, the texture of the leaves, a stone etc. When you let the pain come, you feel light, and the thoughts and the pain cease to matter.

Observing your breath, and then sounds, feelings, smells, sights without labeling them as good or bad will get you out of the most painful and vivid of memories and into peace and tranquility and happiness. This is mindfulness meditation. It really helps build the value of ease that in turn brings peace, love and happiness.

Value 3: Outwardness

Without blaming yourself, and with lots of love and understanding toward yourself, notice the times when you get lost into yourself. It may be reliving the past, it may be some fear, some assumption. Be aware. Then, while letting such fear, thoughts, memories or assumptions come freely in your mind, focus on others. Ask a question. Join a conversation. Then, gently talk to the person trying to guess their feelings and needs. For example, join a conversation in which the person is talking about her mother's diabetes test. Gently say, "So you're feeling kind of relieved because the tests met your need for clarity, yeah?" And then, she says, "Yeah, I was so worried..." And you say, "So maybe you're feeling relieved because you were understood, yeah?" 

This is a technique taught in a form of communication called NVC. It turned my life around, helping me focus on others, and thereby get out of getting lost into myself. It helped people love me more, helped me love and understand not just others, but myself much more.

If you're in pain, these values and the tools that build them, namely, reading about minimalism, mindfulness meditation, and the NVC style of communication, will really help you. Love yourself enough to be happy. You deserve it, and deep down, I suspect you know it pretty well. Good luck!